What Has it Become?

A long time ago, in a land far, far away, I used to talk with you about parenting a large family of very young children.

We chatted over misplaced cups of cold coffee that had been reheated several times, mountains of laundry, sticky floors, and long, sleepless nights. There were tears, laughter, frustration, joy, and perhaps a little bit of rage. Those newborn, diaper changing, potty training, toddler, preschool and elementary age days – each of them chock full of almost every emotion, myriad challenges, and ultimately, uncountable joys.

There came a level of busy-ness that took me away from blogging. We were dragged (willingly) into the land of activities and family togetherness. We were sometimes over committed. By we, I mean Me. Each child was usually involved in one or two activities each. By default, I was managing a dozen or more activities, and that didn’t include some that I did for myself! When I felt overwhelmed, I would swing that pendulum in the complete opposite direction. I would call a halt to all of it. We would hide away for a while, sometimes months, before adding activities in again. I became convinced that the work/life balance didn’t exist. It wasn’t ever balanced! It was always one side of the see-saw higher than the other.

I came to see that if the see-saw didn’t smack the ground and send everyone on it flying about, then there was some kind of balance. I also came to see that even though it felt like those days might not end, they did. It wasn’t a sudden change. We could see it approaching on the horizon. Watching it’s advance was a little like watching a sunrise or a sunset. Some days it felt as though what was coming was new, full of breathing room and quiet spaces. Perhaps clean counter tops and floors! Other days it seemed that the approach brought nothing but an end. No promises, just sad, empty spaces, and loneliness.

Whatever it was I saw on the horizon, it may have already passed us by. Perhaps it is what we are living in right now, or maybe it’s still approaching. I don’t know which it is. I do know that I’m a little bit less concerned about knowing. Not entirely unconcerned. I’m not so grown up as that.

I have been reflecting, as more than half of our children are adults, and a few are still teens. I don’t know a great many families in the same part of life that we are. We had a fantastic community of families when most of our kids were babies, and until the first few graduated high school. Most of those families kids were the same age as our first few kids. When they all moved on to their own lives, their families moved into the Empty Nest phase of life, or if their children didn’t move out right away, then the Parents of Adult children part. We were in that part, too, but we also still had elementary through high school aged kids. We still kept busy with activities, but it looked different for us now. We were driving younger teens to weekend and after school jobs, helping adult kids move, learn how to navigate things like getting their own insurance, or how to sign a lease. We were also still running about to little league practices, recitals, and various enrichment classes.

This life kept us on our toes as much as ever. Instead of running after a child to make sure they didn’t fall into a creek or wander off at an event, now we were hoping that they were being a good friend, and figuring out if the people they were with were being good friends. We were waiting up at night for older teens to come home, and still enforcing bedtime for 8 and 9 year olds. Who else was doing this? I didn’t know. I knew a few families that did, they were just as busy as we were. We lost touch with the families we’d been sharing life with since their change was more immediate than ours. Now most of us are grandparents, too, but most of them don’t still have teens at home.

What caused me to pause most recently, regarding this stage, was a notification that I received about a blog page that I have followed for some time. It focuses on keeping a home tidy, keeping the pantry stocked, keeping the cars clean, keeping the calendar up to date, etc., when you have a large family. I realized that I had been ignoring these updates. They weren’t exactly pertinent to my situation any longer. I opened up my social media apps and looked at how many pages and people I still follow that offer wonderful advice and encouragement for growing families. There are just two people that I follow that talk about being parents of adults. Neither still have children at home.

That’s what I’m here for, now. Exploring the question ‘What has it become?’ What are the best ways that I can support my family right now? How do I navigate relationships with my adult children, their significant others, remember that the teens are not still 10, but not yet adults, and still have the energy for grandchildren.

How do you manage? What are some resources that you like? Do you still have friends? How do you make new friends, now? Do you ever find yourself outside of your house after 9 p.m.?

Thanks for stopping by for a chat. I’m looking forward to next time!